Makeover-In-Action

Visit My Site

2007-09-06T12:53:00.000-04:00

I've made lots of changes to www.kamichijackson.com. Be sure to check it out.

Conquering A Few Fears

2007-09-06T12:21:00.000-04:00

Just have to write this one other thing.

My self-confidence and self-esteem have taken a brutal beating these past few years. I used to have my hustle on at all times, Diva my way into every room, and maintain a Plan B, C, and D in case A didn't work out. But as I said, Life kinda beat a sista down for a while, to the point where leaving the house--walking out my own front door--has even become difficult (on some days impossible). And being in a crowd--whew, don't even get me started on how intimidating that has become for me as well.

So I'm proud of myself for accomplishing what I did on my visit home. I took a cab to Union Station, walked through a gang of people in the terminal, got myself on Amtrak, rode four and a half hours in the enclosed space of the train, walked through the terminal there and made my way out to my friend's car--all without incident. On the way home, I decided to challenge myself further. Rather than take the cab straight from Union Station all the way home to Northern Virginia, I opted to take Metro. Red line to the end of the orange line and then into a cab and home. Me and my bags--in and out of crowds, rushing through one hallway after another, up and down escalators, on/off platforms, standing hanging onto a pole on the metro, mind you, because there wasn't always a seat available. Yea, I had some moments along the way. But I did it! Fully accessorized, rockin' heels, afro-puff in place.

Oh yes, the Diva is back.

Note to self for next time: one bag, NO heels.

Reconnecting With Myself

2007-09-06T12:04:00.001-04:00

Can't talk long. I have lots to do today...

Just wanted to make a confession. I almost deleted my meltdown post (the one titled "I'm Not Crazy") because I began to fear that if people read it, they might actually conclude that I am indeed crazy! And then I realized that if I did that, I wouldn't be real to myself or my readers; that I'd be guilty of sweeping a mental health issue under the rug and pretending it didn't exist--the very thing I've always said the entire African-American is so often guilty of.

So I'm leaving the post there.

What I can report is that I did seek the help I needed. From my personal physician, who recommended a counselor/therapist (who I've been seeing for weeks now) and an anti-depressant (I'm on a high dosage of Paxil). The combination of treatments has been more than a little helpful, I'm here to tell you. I feel so much better, words can't explain.

Also helpful was a trip to my hometown in Connecticut. Haven't been home in five years. Went for a week last month and ended up staying three and a half weeks (just got back). I met my old self there, went to the library where my obsessive love for books and writing began (and where I spent literally thousands of hours as a child/teen), and reconnected with the people who have always always loved me and all my ways...no matter what.

Oh, and the fact that the last time they saw me I was 65 pounds heavier made hearing "oh my god, girl you look so good!" over and over and over again that much sweeter. Ha!

2007-07-10T16:52:00.000-04:00

Just wanted to post an inspirational prose piece I wrote maybe two-three years ago:

Pain Defeated
by kamichi jackson

We had met before, Pain and I, on more than one occasion. I’d felt him lurking in dark shadows nearby; nearly collided with him as I turned corners that appeared suddenly in my straight, narrow path; seen him staring at me from behind the eyes of ones whose spirits he’d snatched and held captive.

It wasn’t that I’d never felt his touch. Even now I nursed bruises where he’d grabbed me, scars where he’d nicked me, scrapes where he’d caused me to stumble. I wore the wounds of several battles with Pain, but I pressed on as a soldier fighting the finest fight.

And then I’d opened my eyes one morning to find Pain staring down at me from his seat at the edge of my bed. He spoke not a word, but he followed me everywhere that day, looking over my shoulder, whispering in my ear, beckoning to me whenever I turned away. By evening, he’d led me to cold, dark corners of my mind and I found myself settling comfortably there in that space, concealed from those who would guide me back to safe, warm places with the light of their love. They tried to find me but Pain told them I wasn’t with him. They called out to me but I pretended not to hear.

Still they persisted. They wouldn’t leave me there. With gentle whispers they soothed my spirit. With psalms of healing they consoled me. With fervent prayers they oiled my head. With kingdom smiles they shined blinding light into my darkness. Pain became a lesser foe.

They stretched out their hands and pulled me to my feet. Pain called my name, but I ignored him. They embraced me with arms of comfort. Pain grabbed hold of me, but I shook him off. They surrounded me with the strength of an army. Pain looked for me, but I remained hidden. Without my own negativity as its ally, Pain faced defeat and took its leave.

I still see Pain from time to time—lying in wait at a distance; peering from around treacherous corners; reflected in the eyes of those still lost in dark spaces. But I do not rely on my own strength in this struggle, for I walk in step with others who have survived and will continue to survive their battles with Pain—until it is forever defeated.

I'm Not Crazy...

2007-07-09T19:07:00.000-04:00

...but I am suffering from Depression. It's the reason I haven't kept up with this blog. It's the reason my literary aspirations have been sidelined. And it's the reason my weight loss has stalled.

I have fallen into the deepest depression I've ever known, and I'm tired. I'm tired of crying, I'm tired of feeling physically ill, I'm tired of hiding it from others, I'm tired of trying to pretend it's not happening.

I'm so very, very tired.

When I go to bed at night, I actually pray that I don't wake up the next morning. When I do get up in the morning, I cry because I survived the night. And then I pray again to ask forgiveness for not appreciating this precious gift of Life that has been given to me. My thought process is jumbled and confused, I feel as if I'm in a fog, I'm not functioning well, I go from one emotion to the next and back again within minutes, my sleep pattern is all over the charts, I'm not able to work a 9 to 5 job, and my relationships and finances are suffering for it.

It's like this every single day and it's literally wearing my mind and body out.

It's gotten so bad that I recently decided to seek professional help. I can no longer do this on my own. I can no longer hide my anguish/pain, and I can no longer burden my family with my ever-changing moods. Self-help is fine for some people, but this writer has finally come to accept that additional assistance is required.

It's both embarrassing and humbling to admit this because of the stigma attached to mental health, especially in the black community. But I promised that this blog would be about my personal health and wellness journey, and that journey has taken a sharp left turn down this particular path, so I must follow it until it meets back up with the main road, so to speak. If my honesty about my own mental health helps even one reader with theirs, then putting myself out here like this will be worth it.

I will write as often as I can. I promise that I will try my hardest to push through the Depression as much as possible to report my progress along the way. At times, I may share some of the mental exercises my therapist gives me. In other posts, I may talk about what it feels like to be dependent upon my doctor-prescribed medication. Other times, I may include links to current news about black mental health. And every now and then, I may just post a good old-fashioned vent.

Stay with me on this journey. Tell others to come along. Talk to me, ask me questions. I will do my best to be as open about it as possible. The more we dialog about this problem in our community, the less the stigma of it.

The 50 Million Pound Challenge

2007-05-29T22:06:00.001-04:00

Just one quick thing...I've just joined the 50 Million Pound Challenge created by Dr. Ian Smith and sponsored by State Farm. Looking forward to tracking my weight loss along with everyone else who has joined.

The website is www.50millionpounds.com. Check it out, then make the commitment.

Good Health: Wishing Doesn't Make It So...

2007-05-29T21:57:00.001-04:00

So I've been avoiding going to the doctor because, honestly, sometimes I just get tired of all the poking, prodding, medicating, et cetera. But it's a good thing I did go because I was informed that my blood pressure is high: 155/111, and that I need to get back on two of my prescribed medications. Not happy about it, but it's necessary, I know. After all, just wishing my health was perfect won't make it happen. I have meds to take, much more weight to lose, continual changes in diet/nutrition to make. This is my life now, and if I want to live it well, I have to do what the doctor says.

That's it for now. I'm a little blue about all this, so I don't have much more to write right now.

Long Time No Type...

2007-05-25T21:04:00.001-04:00

So I haven't posted in a very long time. I've been experiencing terrible lows these past few weeks, and haven't been one hundred percent. I won't go into details. Suffice to say that Life (as well as some of the people in it) will sometimes beat you down. It has done just that to me these past few weeks.

Still I press on.

So as for weight loss, I've been holding steady at a 19.3 pound weight loss. Considering that I began this journey on February 12th, I suppose that's not bad. Thing is, I know I can do better. And I intend to do just that.

What has helped, though, is that I walk for about thirty minutes each day. So even when I'm nibbling on things I shouldn't, I believe this bit of exercise has helped offset that. Even when I don't feel like doing it, I have my two-year-old niece tugging on my hand asking to go outside. Thank goodness for her, because if it wasn't for her, I might not take the time to move this big ol' body of mine (smile).

Now, I'm definitely still losing inches and my weight loss is noticeable enough that people continue to comment on it, and I've had to do a little bit of shopping to replace some of the clothes that hang so loosely on me. You've read in an earlier post how I feel about wearing clothes that don't fit (whether they are too loose or two tight). I decided I needed to listen to my own advice so that I can continue to face myself in the mirror, you know?

I guess that's it for the moment. I have a couple of other things to say, but I've got to find the words first and then I'll express myself, trust.

Weigh-In: Monday, March 12, 2007

2007-03-14T11:44:00.000-04:00

Okay, well, this post is a couple of days late. I was out of town on business, but I managed to swing by a Weight Watchers in that area for a weigh-in. After all, Monday marked thirty days on this healthy eating path, and I was curious to see what a month's time on the NutriSystem Type II Diabetic Program has done for me.

Well, I was pleased to lose another 1.6 pounds (now I'm at normal weight loss levels). That makes the grand total 14.1 pounds in thirty days. Wayyyyy more than I expected. It's an encouraging start!

Now I have to get serious about exercising if I want to average my two pounds per week from here on out. Have to get my body moving and fit! With the warmer weather making its way here, I'm exploring some outdoor activities that I think might be fun. Haven't been on rollerblades or a bike in years, but I'm considering both, can you believe it?

What's encouraging is that my sister and her family have also begun a healthier way of eating, so there's less takeout coming to the house, which means less temptation for me. And they've got the exercise thing on lock, so they are putting me to shame in that area. I've got to step up my game for real.

That's it for today. I've got lots of other book-related things to get to today. Eat well...

Tips & Tricks: Eat Your Meals At A Slower Pace

2007-03-05T23:27:00.000-05:00

My sister told me that she read somewhere that it takes twenty minutes after we've eaten for our stomach to register that it's satisfied. If that's the case, it stands to reason, then, that if we eat at a slower pace rather than wolfing down the food on our plates, we won't spend as much time feeling hungry and won't be tempted to overeat.

So I've gotten in the habit of taking at least twenty minutes to eat my meals. That means savoring the food, taking smaller bites, engaging in more conversation with family members, drinking more water between bites, et cetera. This has really been a help to me. I'm fully content at the end of my meal, and I'm not looking around for more food to satisfy a hunger that really isn't there. Might work for you too.

Weigh-In: Monday, March 5, 2007

2007-03-05T23:15:00.000-05:00

Well, it's Monday, so it must be weigh-in time...

My weight loss over the past couple of weeks (which are my first three weeks on-program) have been atypical: 4.0 pounds gone the first week, and 6.5 the second week. Tonight's weight loss was normal: 2.0 pounds, for a total of 12.5 pounds in three weeks. I'm a bit ahead of schedule, since my goal loss per week is only 2.0 pounds. That's a healthy, steady way to go about this, I'm told.

As for last week, well, I splurged a bit on Friday night and had some Egg Foo Yung (sp?). My brother-in-law teased me about going off my diet, and I tried to explain to him as I did in an earlier post that I'm not on a diet. I'm simply eating healthier. The -er on the end of that last word implies that I'm not 100% at this, which allows for the occasional Egg Foo Yung treat.

Anyway, I'm pleased with the 2.0 pound loss, but I still need to be on my game if I want to be successful at this, so I plan to make better food choices for this week!

The Matter of Mental Health

2007-02-28T15:17:00.000-05:00

It's been some time since I felt well enough to put pen to paper with a view to publishing again. But thanks to my decision to work more aggressively on my health issues, I am now able to do just that. Only I didn't begin work on The Brownstone, the novel I've been promising to complete for nearly three years now. Instead, I sat down and began scribbling a story that's been hanging around inside me for almost two decades (maybe even longer), and it's been the most cathartic experience! The words spilled out of me faster than I could even write them, so I had to resort to typing this particular work (I prefer to write manuscripts out by longhand). I happen to think that, for me, it is--and will always be--my most important work ever.

K My Name Is Kendra (Pen Poised Press, Fall 2007) is the story of a young woman whose life begins to spiral out of control when she finds herself facing what she only learns later is a severe bout of Depression. Alone and powerless against this sudden onset of mental turmoil, Kendra falls into a twisted relationship with a young uncle, the one person in her life who seems sympathetic to her plight.

So why am I posting about this book in my blog? Well, in an earlier post, I said I'd write here about all sorts of things related to health and wellness. And since I, along with so many other women of color, have suffered from severe bouts of Depression for as long as I can remember, the topic fits right in with the mission of this online journal, which is to shed light on health and wellness issues plaguing our communities. Mental health is one such issue, and it continues to be ignored, misunderstood, ridiculed and whispered about--to the point where people who lack it often don't seek the help they need to deal with it. At the very least, it can lead to their suffering needlessly or being victimized by people with less than honorable intentions (to put it nicely). Even more sadly, in extreme cases (which seem to be on the rise these days), it can lead to a person's death...sometimes one's own, and sometimes that of others.

In my dedication, I write: To all the girls for whom a story like this is not fiction. To reach those girls now might just save the life of a woman later.

Click here to read excerpts at my official website.

It's The Little Things That Keep You Going

2007-02-27T11:13:00.000-05:00

Have you ever felt embarrassed about the items you place on the conveyer belt at the grocery store? Ever avoided making contact with the pimply-faced teenager with the oh-my-god-you're-like-so-gross look in their eyes as they ring up the Doritos, Twinkies, and Vanilla Bean ice cream that might just be for someone else in your household? Okay, so it's all for you, but I'm just sayin'...

Well, when you've changed your diet like some of us who are trying to eat healthier have, that's one less embarrassment you suffer as someone who is obviously struggling with their weight. Now you can stand tall as the fresh fruits, nuts, vegetables, yogurts, and whole-grain breads you're purchasing roll down the belt. And on some days (not that it matters...but sometimes doesn't it just?), you might even get the head-nod of approval!

Weigh-In: Monday, February 26, 2007

2007-02-26T21:05:00.000-05:00

Just got back from Weight Watchers! My sister gave me the big pep talk (which I needed)before I left the house, reminding me that's it not all about numbers. That I'm changing my eating habits and getting healthier everyday, and that next week might look better if this week happened to not look so great. I worry, you see, because I have a lot riding on this. My health has to improve so that I can get off Disability and all these meds (I'm on SIX doctor-prescribed meds) and get back to living. And I worry, too, because I didn't have a perfect week. I had some weak moments towards the weekend...made a couple of shady food choices...you know what I mean...

So imagine my surprise when I stepped on the WW scale and weighed in at 6.5 pounds less than last week. That makes 10.5 pounds lost in two weeks' time (thanks to NutriSystem)! I would be content with two pounds a week, and I know that once these initial high loss numbers taper off I'll probably just about get those couple off each week, but in the meantime, I'll take this and won't complain a bit.

Tips & Tricks: Don't Call It A Diet

2007-02-26T15:52:00.000-05:00

To be ON something implies that you'll eventually be OFF it, which is why I never refer to this new and improved way of eating as being on a diet. The very words make it all seem so transient...optional even. For me, that's almost always the kiss of death, because it immediately sets me up for failure before I even get started.

In reality, I'm changing my diet to a healthier one. The obvious benefit will be that I feel better. The added benefit will be that I will lose weight. If I want to continue benefiting myself, I'll need to maintain this healthier lifestyle for the rest of my life.

So don't sabotage yourself by using the kiss-of-death "D" word, and don't let other people force the word on you either (which they'll sometimes do in one breath while snickering in another breath that you won't stick to it). This is a change of life, our new eating habits, and we have to look at it like that if we want to truly be successful.

Essence Magazine Weight Loss Challenge

2007-02-25T14:39:00.000-05:00

Just picked up the March 2007 issue of Essence magazine (with the beautiful Jennifer Hudson on the cover). About halfway or so through the mag, I came across their special Body & Soul guide featuring the Essence Fit & Fab Challenge, which promises that for the next six months, the magazine will be providing monthly exercise routines, healthy menus and motivational tips to readers to get them started--and keep them encouraged--on their journey. I look forward to ripping these sections out and keeping them at my fingertips for use over the course of my personal journey.

I was disappointed, however, that I was not able to join the challenge at the Essence.com website. Readers are invited on page 116 of the magazine to visit the site to sign up for the challenge and share their weight loss goals for the chance to be featured in a future issue of the magazine. I went to the site and was not able to find the link to lead me to that section of the site. Several other women there made the same complaint in their comments on the boards. Knowing and loving Essence magazine as I do, though, I believe the situation will be rectified soon and I look forward to that time.

Meanwhile, my sisters, do NOT become discouraged! Follow the articles that will appear in the magazine's upcoming issues and I'm sure we'll all reach our goals (or at least get started toward them). Seek out women in your neighborhood or at your places of worship and employment, and encourage each other to stay on track. You don't have to go it alone.

And don't forget: if everyone else fails you and you feel like you're in the struggle by yourself, you can always drop me an email at writekj@kamichijackson.com and we can uplift each other!

Tips & Tricks: Less Can Look Like More

2007-02-23T16:57:00.000-05:00

A typical breakfast for me now that I'm on NutriSystem is one of their granola bars (there are four that I love), a half cup of cottage cheese on a slice of low-carb whole wheat bread, and a piece of fruit. I've started cutting up my fruit of choice into several small chunks or wedges. It's amazing how a medium-sized nectarine or a cup and a half of whole strawberries can suddenly take on the appearance of a fruity feast when served this way. Put the entire meal on a dessert-sized plate and you'll feel like you're overindulging!

Tips & Tricks: How to Fill Your Plate

2007-02-23T16:37:00.000-05:00

I've been implementing a little trick over the past couple of weeks that has helped me begin to achieve mind over matter in relation to my weight loss challenge: when dining, lay your food out on a dessert plate, rather than a dinner plate. Something about covering every inch of a smaller plate with food gives you the feeling that you're eating a bigger portion!

Wear Clothes That FIT You!

2007-02-23T13:26:00.000-05:00

I bought a new coat the other day and lost about fifty pounds. Let me explain.

I, like so many other people struggling with their weight, sometimes fall victim to the notion that wearing bigger clothes will somehow hide the many extra pounds I'm carrying. So for the past several winters, I've been breaking out this leather coat that was too big when I bought it, and only got bigger as I began to shed my first forty pounds. Deep down inside, I knew I looked ridiculous, but I reasoned that I didn't look nearly as ridiculous as I would if I wore a coat that actually fit my body more snugly.

I was wrong.

The day I bought this new coat, my ten-year-old niece exclaimed that I already looked like I had lost alot of weight already. All because of this coat! This magical coat that actually fit me. That actually de-emphasized my very round mid-section, and highlighted the fact that all my merengue and salsa dancing has paid off on my hips, which are so narrow I doubt I'll lose more weight there.

On the other hand, there are those women who are in denial about the weight they've put on, and they wear clothes so tight that every fault is emphasized and they are spilling out every which way. This extreme isn't any more attractive than wearing oversized clothes. Again, find clothes that fit you at your current size.

Bottom line, let's work what we've got right now, ladies!

What Are Your Triggers?

2007-02-23T12:46:00.000-05:00

I got a phone call the other day that unsettled my spirit. My sleep was not at all sound that night. In fact, it took everything I had in me to not get up and make a late-night refrigerator raid to make myself feel better. In this case, stress was almost my trigger--you know, that one event that leads to a reaction or a series of reactions. Thankfully, I didn't react this time by turning to food as I usually do.

This is not the first time stress has been or has almost been the trigger that leads to me sitting up on the couch in front of the television eating bon-bons. For me, in fact, it's probably the biggest one. I stress over many things. My illnesses, certain family situations, the occasional relationship issue, disappointments related to my writing career (or lack thereof), et cetera. Not letting these get the best of me while I'm on my journey will indeed be challenging.

So what are your triggers? What things happen in your life that send you running to the refrigerator or pantry? Who are the people in your circle that drive you to eat just to settle your nerves? Determining--and most likely changing--these may just be the key to your being successful in your own journey.

NutriSystem: The Review From Here

2007-02-22T13:41:00.000-05:00

It seems that every other commercial on television these days is about NutriSystem, probably because it's the beginning of the year and losing weight is usually at the top of everyone's To Do List for the year. My decision to try NutriSystem actually came last year, sometime during the Fall, once I learned they had a program specifically for Type II Diabetics.

To be honest, I purposely kept my expectations low. That way, in case the food tasted like chalk, I wouldn't be disappointed. To my surprise, most of the food tastes great! It's a shock getting used to the small portions, but in reality, this is the way we're supposed to eat. It takes some reconditioning of the mind to be content with that.

The meal plan requires that you add fruits, vegetables, dairy or protein and sometimes an additional low GI carb to your meal, so I'm not starving by any means. No, it's not as satisfying as some of my favorite soul foods or cuban dishes, but because I'm on a mission, I'm learning to adjust. If ever I feel the need to overindulge a little bit, I do so on fresh vegetables. Despite my size, I'm not one who likes to spend lots of time over a stove, but I confess that I'm having fun experimenting with recipes for vegetables, and I'm trying to be more adventerous with the types I eat. As for sweets, well, the plan has that covered. Most of the desserts taste pretty good. The chocolate crunch bar, however, can only be described as awesome. Not awesome as in awesome for "diet" chocolate. Just awesome...period.

My glowing review, of course, does not mean that this journey will be an easy one. Will there be days I don't feel like eating in this healthy manner? Sure. Will I miss the taste and sensation of an ice-cold twenty-ounce bottle of Coke as it slides down my throat and burns my nose? You better believe it. Will I sometimes feel like crashing my car into the Taco Bell drive-thru at 2AM in the morning? Yup. But I have this commitment to Tom Joyner. And J. Anthony Brown made some snide remark the day they read my letter on the air (I had to laugh...you gotta love him) so I have something to prove to him as well.

So...four pounds gone in my first week. Only ninety-six more to go! Wish me well...

Making Healthy Choices Everyday

2007-02-21T14:00:00.000-05:00

I've discovered over the past few months of clicking around the internet that there is a wealth of health information available targeted at African American women, so much so that it can become overwhelming if you're trying to put it all together into a program that will work for your particular health situation the way I am. This is important, my sisters! We have to educate ourselves on the health issues facing the black community. We can no longer remain blissfully uninformed or disinterested because we don't think they affect us personally. The real of it is that it can cost us our lives if we don't.

Okay, so I recently found a new site that I'm extremely excited about: www.everydaychoices.org. Check out the Sisterhood Is Healthy section in particular. Lots of great information there beyond the usual blah blah blah statistics. I plan to use this info in my own life and I encourage you to do the same.

Take care of you!

Hello, My Sisters!

2007-02-21T13:34:00.000-05:00

Greetings, all! Hoping this post finds you well!

As for me, for the first time in a very long time, I'm feeling like my life is beginning to get back on track. Long way to go, but I'm making steps in the right direction, thanks to Tom Joyner. The Tom Joyner, yes! Because of his generosity, I am now able to afford the Nutri-System Type II Diabetic Program and am on my way to losing a goal of at least one hundred pounds.

You see, I wrote a desperate letter to him, explaining my current financial situation (due to stacks of medical bills incurred since being diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, Hypertension and Type II Diabetes, all in 2005...bad year). Specifically, I asked that he cover the expense of three months of the Nutri-System Type II Diabetec Program (which I'd researched pretty extensively) for me while I get back on my feet financially. Long story short, he provided the funds for a total of eight months. I was floored by his generosity and am eternally grateful to him for his assistance.

And so now I have to deliver. Thankfully, I'm off to a good start and have lost four pounds in my first week on program. Love the food, love the feeling of being back in control, love the fact that I can walk taller because, though I have a lonnnnnng way to go, I can hold my head high because I am actually doing something about my weight rather than complaining about it. It will be a lengthy process, because I've chosen to lose weight the natural way, rather than with surgery (too terrified to go under the knife myself, but I do understand why some would choose that option). But I feel up to the task. I will do this.

So this blog is about the makeover journey I have ahead of me, but as you'll discover over the coming months, it's less about beauty and more about reconditioning my mind to completely change my attitudes and behaviors toward food. It’s about making my body healthy and strong; renewing my spirit to rebuild my self-esteem and inner strength. And it’s about gathering the courage to chase down opportunities and achievements that poor health and excess weight have scared me off from pursuing (my nemesis is performing live onstage). I believe there are tens of thousands of African American women out there just like me. And I'm hoping that, through this blog, I'll be able to meet many of you. Surely we can soak up each other's energy and inspire each other to travel the path to health and wellness...together!